A Ransom Letter – A Story For Trifecta

The prompt for this week’s Trifecta challenge is to write a story using the third definition of the chosen word ‘Crude’  3: marked by the primitive, gross, or elemental or by uncultivated simplicity or vulgarity. My thoughts turned to writing a letter:

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Spencer,

Can I begin by offering you my sincere apologies for the disgraceful ransom note you received yesterday. It was extremely crude, both in terms of its layout and the vulgarity of the language used. Unfortunately, it was the work of my rather stupid associate. A loyal employee but not the sharpest knife in the drawer. Rest assured he has been severely spoken to and has promised this will never happen again.

In his defence, I believe him when he says he was trying to help by taking some of the workload off my shoulders. Unfortunately his somewhat poor home background, deprived childhood and unsatisfactory schooling, came to the fore and you were the recipients. Once again please accept my profuse apologies.

Despite his shortcomings, my colleague does possess certain qualities that I find indispensable in our line of work. Personally I would have been a little less graphic with the threats. I’m afraid he does have this rather annoying habit of saying things as he sees them, though his choice of words leaves much to be desired. So when he wrote, and I quote, “Pay up or I’ll cut the little bitch up real nasty.” I’m afraid that is exactly what he meant. I’ve seen him at work and, while not pretty, he is very good at what he does.

Once again I feel that I must offer you my sincere apologies for the manner in which this information was delivered to you. Procedures at this end have been tightened up considerably to ensure it doesn’t happen again.

In conclusion, may I remind you that the ransom deadline draws near and my associate grows impatient. I look forward to an early conclusion to our present business.

Yours faithfully

Your Daughter’s Captor



    1. Mike

      My wife says something similar, only she leaves out the ‘lovely sense’ and just tells me I’m ridiculous!
      Glad you enjoyed it and thanks for the comments.


  1. Björn Rudberg (brudberg)

    Oh yes.. I guess threatening in a civilized (?) manner would soften the threat.

    maybe we should use better language such as:

    deliberate and carefully executed lacerations — would make the concerned parents rest much easier. — or pay up.


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