He’s Definitely University Material

“Miss Jeffers told me that he was definitely university material. She reckons he might even get into Cambridge or Oxford. His latest test results were the best in the class.  Mind you I’m not surprised, he takes after me you know.”

“That does surprise me, Penny, I didn’t think your Tyler was that bright. Anyway, just because he got 8 out of 10 for a simple spelling test, doesn’t make him a university candidate.”

“That’s your trouble, Debs. You’ve no ambition for your kids. Mind you I’m not surprised. I hear your Billy only got 2 out of 10. You must have been devastated. Mind you it will probably be enough to get him a couple of GCSE’s. With a bit of luck, he might pick up a trade. Maybe he could join your Jimmy in the plumbing business.”

“He only got 4 out of 10 because he had a bad cold. He was so poorly he didn’t have time to revise properly. It was just a blip. Next week he will be up there with the best. He’s a bright lad is my Billy. He’s now doing an hour’s homework every night. His maths is exceptional. In fact, Miss Jeffers told me that she was thinking of putting him in the Gifted and Talented group. She thinks he could be a Professor of Mathematics at Harvard one day. That’s in America you know. Much more prestigious than Oxford and Cambridge. It’s where all the Presidents go, apparently.”

“If it’s American it can’t be that good. Come on Debs you only need to watch some of those awful American television programmes to work that out. Anyway, my Tyler has been in that Gifted & Talented group for a term now. Miss Jeffers reckons he needs something else. He’s finding it all too easy. That’s why he’s learning the violin and Chinese. That’s the language of the future you know. His tutor says he’s amazing, almost a fluent speaker and he’s only been doing it for three weeks. I suppose your Billy is still going swimming on a Thursday.”

“Oh no, he gave that up months ago. He was going to try the violin but his tutor said it would be too easy so he’s learning to play the grand piano instead. He’s so good we’re thinking of getting him one for Christmas. Our Billy is going to learn Chinese next. He purposely left it to last because it’s so easy to pick up. So he concentrated on the more difficult languages first. He’s already fluent in Afrikaans, Russian, Portuguese, French and Spanish. You should have heard him last month when we were on holiday in Paris, chatting away he was like he’d lived there forever. The Foreign Office has already put his name down to be a diplomat when he’s a bit older.”

“Diplomacy! That’ll be a new experience for your family Debs. I can still see your Trevor, last Christmas, at the school nativity play, trying to pick a fight with that woman on the front row with the big hat on. Mind you, he wasn’t to know she was the chair of governors. Still, it was good of her not to involve the police. That reminds me, did I tell you that Hollywood has been in touch. I sent them a video of the nativity play because, of course, our Tyler played such a marvellous part. So many people came up to me afterwards and told me how good he was. Miss Jeffers reckoned he was going to be a great star some day. Anyway, as I was saying, some chap from Hollywood got in touch, he was so excited, having watched the video, that he wants to fly Tyler over this Summer holidays to audition for a major film he’s producing. I wish I could tell you the name of it but we’ve been sworn to secrecy.”

“Of course you do know that it was our Billy what wrote the words for that nativity, don’t you. He’s written loads more since then. Miss Jeffers says she can’t keep up with the requests she keeps getting from other schools for him to write their plays and pantomimes. Of course, I had to put a stop to it once he started writing for the National Theatre. He’s also written a couple of film scripts. I wouldn’t be at all surprised that the one your Tyler is acting in wasn’t written by my Billy.”

“Hang on Debs, here comes Miss Jeffers, probably wants to tell me, yet again, how brilliant my Tyler is.”

“Hello, ladies. I’m glad I caught you both together, I’ve popped out early to have a quick word before school finishes. I’m afraid Tyler and Billy have been up to their normal tricks again. I’m afraid, Mrs Weston, I caught your Billy in the boy’s toilets this morning writing ‘Piss Off’ on the wall. Unfortunately, he is still having great trouble spelling both words, though I was pleased to see he was at least trying to write something. As for Tyler, Mrs. Leonard, I’m afraid we caught him with his pants around his ankles, sat in the water tray, farting and making the girls giggle. Quite a performance by all accounts, but highly inappropriate.  What makes things worse is that, because of all this bad behaviour, they are both falling behind in their work and I’ve had to move them from the bottom group into the remedial group. There only saving grace is they seem to enjoy their music. Tyler loves playing the triangle and Billy is good with the tambourine. Well, I’ll leave it at that for now ladies. I do hope you will have a stern word with the boys when they come out of school.”

“I told you, Debs. Our Tyler is going to be a great musician. What’s a triangle? Is it anything like a violin?”

“No idea Penny, but I knew our Billy had talent. Did you hear what Miss Jeffers said about the tambourine? I’m definitely going to get him that Grand Piano for Christmas.”

Mike Jackson

I look forward to reading your comments

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s