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What Happens When We Reach The Top?

“What happens when we reach the top?” “You’re going to  jump.” “What do you mean ‘jump’. I’m not jumping. It’s a long way down. It’ll kill me.” “We know.” “Well I’m not doing it, you can forget about that.” “Don’t worry mate, you won’t have to actually jump. We’re going to […]

The Demise of Old Oakey

Tree ZA34657, known locally as ‘Old Oakey’, you have been found guilty of aiding and abetting acts of obscene behaviour. On January 31st of this year, you allowed two young people of this Parish, namely Sally Mary Andrews and James Herbert Matthews, to engage in carnal activities beneath your branches. […]

Chicken Paste Sandwiches

I stood behind the tree, hands in my pocket, collar pulled up high. Would I ever get used to these miserable Earth winters? I doubted it. I’d asked for my next assignment to be somewhere warmer but my request had gone unheeded. I looked across at the white car where my […]

Yours For Just £100

As I said in my e-mail Mr Jones I’ve got this stuff I need to shift. The youngest is moving back home and we need the space. You can see I’ve collected some interesting items over the years. Take those windows back there, portals they are, programmed to take you […]

Gran’s Coming To Live With Us

“Well, mum, which one do you fancy? Remember it’s going on the mantelpiece at our house, not yours so go with one of the bigger ones if you want. Don’t worry about the colour. Just choose the one you like and we’ll redecorate our front room to match.” Gran looked […]